Progress, not perfection
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about perfectionism — how often it stops me doing the things I actually want to do. Online, we’re so used to seeing the finished article. We rarely get to see the process, or the things that don’t quite go as planned. I nearly always wait until something feels finished, until it’s ‘perfect’, before I let it out into the world. But I don’t want to do that anymore.
The more I move away from social media, the more I notice how toxic it all is to me. The pressure to constantly produce and present the next new thing. The way it encourages us to speed past everything we already have.
I’ve been noticing the way things are shifting. How people are actively rejecting this stage of capitalism — where nothing really belongs to us anymore. Everything’s rented, borrowed, temporary. It reminds me of how we talk about protecting booksellers like Waterstones from Amazon, but 20 years ago, we were trying to protect small independents from Waterstones. The cycle keeps turning.
There’s definitely a link between perfectionism, capitalism, and the patriarchy. That’s something I want to keep thinking about when I finally get into the studio — hopefully soon!
While I’ve been reflecting on all of this, the universe delivered the perfect soundtrack to go with it: Playing Piano for Dad by h hunt. It’s a sublime piece of music. Yes, it would still be beautiful if it were technically ‘perfect’, but it’s the imperfections that make it special. The sounds of fingers on the keys, the background noise, the humming, the moments where he stops abruptly and repeats things until he gets them how he wants.
It reminded me of a flatmate I had years ago in London. One evening I was soaking in the bath and could hear her practising piano through the wall. She was learning the soundtrack to The Piano and as much as I loved the music itself, what struck me most was the repetition. The way she kept returning to certain melodies until they were in her hands, not just her head. It was magical to hear the way she was mastering her art, to be able to experience the process she was working through, not just the complete piece once she had learnt it.
This album brought all of that back. I did a little research and here’s what I found from Tasty Morsels co-founder Rory McCarthy (AKA infinite bisous):
What’s the story behind the title Playing Piano for Dad? Were these really songs he would play for his father?
Harry (aka h hunt) and I were in Studio Ferber in Paris doing something — I forget exactly what. He told me his dad plays piano and loves jazz, but didn’t know Harry could play. So Harry wanted to record something as a Christmas present for him. The piano at Ferber is probably my favourite in the world, so I set up some mics and left him to it.
He sent it to me after he’d given it to his dad, and it was obvious to me that we should release it. I love it — and I know plenty of others who do too. It’s a bit like casting a non-actor in a film — it’s so affecting because it’s not “performing.” He never once thought he was making an album, so it’s incredibly sincere. That’s rare.
The perfectionist part of me (the part of me that has been editing this post for an embarrassing amount of time to make sure I get it right) still wants to wait. Wait until the art space is perfect, my studio is set up just right, before I show anything. But I also know that if you were setting up an art space, I’d want to see behind the scenes — your progress, your setbacks, how it’s going. So why am I so reluctant to share my own?
So, in the spirit of Playing Piano for Dad — here’s a picture of my studio so far. It used to be a dressing room in a bridal shop and they have covered the external walls with plasterboard. Removing the first section of wall, we’ve discovered a huge, beautiful window, it lets in so much light, though it’s very high up, I don’t know if I’ll be able to reach it to open it! Ideally I’d have had the new studio set up before I moved everything over from my old studio, but that would be too perfect wouldn’t it?!